Had interview yesterday. Wont go into detail about the job but it seemed like a good opportunity, despite the pay being less than I've been used to. Just had phone call to say I interviewed well (knew that already) but I didn't get through to the 2nd stage. Secretly a little relieved but it is frustrating as I had a good feeling about this one - was nice to think that maybe I'd be back in employment soon. It wasn't my ideal job though so maybe I'm being saved for better things. The company were ultra corporate and although I can fit in when I need to I'm not sure that environment really suits me - I'd spent my life pretending to be something I'm not.
Unexpectedly good night with S. I popped in to see his flatmate on my way back from the interview and thought it polite to let him know I was there. He said I may as well stay over although he was a bit distracted (sorting out bills etc.). Think I did pretty well at letting him get on with it though. He made a gorgeous dinner and surprised me by coming to bed soon after I did. I was tired and went into the bedroom quite early, thinking he would spend a bit of time getting jobs done but he followed me in soon after. Am pretty happy with how things are going right now but once in a while it really fucks with my head. We basically are in a relationship but I know it probably wont get any more serious that it is. Ultimately I do want to settle down (move in with someone and get married etc.) so why am I even bothering with a man who may not be able to give me those things? BUT he is so kind, caring and sweet to me I would be stupid to end it just for fear of what could happen in the future. Really cant think about this now. I am only 29 after all. If S at nearly 40 isn't concerned about all this why should I be?
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